A Special Message for You 💖

💌 Love Message

Kababae mong tao ang pogi mo? Hi Reida, I guess halata mo naman na siguro na gusto kita right? Naalala ko nung first day ko pa lang. I observed each guy hoping there was someone I might like but I said to myself "Parang wala kong magugustuhan dito, buti na lang" but then Miss Daisy called you, you stand and recite. I find you cool after that. And hindi ko talaga inakala na it will develop into a crush. It's impossible for me to like girls until I meet you. Pano ba namang di kita magiging crush eh, every time tinuturuan mo ko sa gen math or pre cal you're always so close towards me. Either you stand behind me while I sit or you sit next to me, then you position your face near me or in my paper para makita mo ng maayos. You're so close as if you already knew I like you! So close as if you had a clue that you made my heart race. Fuck, Reida, di kita dapat magustuhan pero wala eh, I always find you cute, no matter what you do! At first I was being in denial about what I feel towards you and of course my gender role. All my life I thought I was straight but ikaw lang pala mag papabading sakin, ni hindi nga sumagi sa isip ko na magkakagusto ko sa babae. How dare you make me GAY! (Just kidding) Buti na lang talaga hindi gumamit ng protection yung mga magulang mo when they made you or pinutok man lang ng tatay mo somewhere hehehe. Thank God you exist! I always find you cute the way you make silly faces when you and your friends take photos. I'm always drawn to the way you speak/recite, para bang alam na alam mo ang sinasabe mo and you didn't speak para may masabe lang but you speak with paninindigan. I love the way you laughed so hard when you talk with your friends, you're so beautiful hehehe. Even with your smile, it is breathtakingly beautiful. Your lips, it's so pink and healthy (kindly list down your lip care naman oh). Your nose, it's perfect for your face, not too big, not too small, sakto lang. Your eyes, I love how it conveys your emotions, especially when something picks your interest, it shines. Your eyebrows, I love how it furrowed when you didn't understand something. Your forehead, I like it when it is being exposed, it gives me a better view of your pretty face, even your impurities, the tiny bumps in your face to be specific. Your posture when you write, your hair goes along when you bow while writing, it also cover your whole face hehehe (so fucking cute). The way you walk para bang kasundo mo ang hangin na sa bawat step mo sumasabay yung hair mo sa hangin making you look more attractive instead of making you look like a bruha. I like you so much that I badly want to pursue you, but not today or tomorrow. I grew up in a semi conservative household where my parents taught their precious daughters to be demure, the one who should be pursued and not the one who pursues. In my 17 years of existence, I never experienced chasing any guys I like, I don't even usually show my feelings to anyone but only to my mother and closest friends. I built walls, making my feelings suppressed because that's what my mother taught me. Whenever I told her I have a crush, she would always say "basta wag mo ipapahalata" but when I developed a crush on you, the walls I built so hard came crashing down with the mere presence of you. When I like you, it feels like I'm a new person under the same body, a new identity. Stronger and bolder, I became a soldier who's always ready for war no matter how tough the battle is. So get yourself ready because you're the battle I'm going to win over. I know that the battle would be tough or tougher than I expected, so let me prepare myself too, let me build my own shield, let me stitch all the torn parts of myself, let me pick all the broken pieces of my heart, let me heal all the wounds I have, let me use you as a weapon to withstand and conquer the battle. And when the battle is over, let me prepare myself again. I know for sure that I'm not whole nor healed after a tough battle. Knowing you, you don't deserve someone who's broken, torn, wounded and tainted like me. You might find this letter cringe and old school or you might think I'm creeped. But I really hope you don't mind being admired by a creep like me. Hehehe. But if you're bothered, please whenever our eyes cross, look at me with your cringe and disgusted face. Don't worry if I got hurt cause I probably would, I can handle myself naman if ever. To tell you honestly, I won't mind getting hurt by REIDA ALEISHA NONATO AGUALLO. I'm not telling you this to reciprocate what I felt but I'm doing this also for myself, to let my feelings out of my chest cause I found it hard to suppress anymore. Whether I like it or not, I must face the consequences of my actions afterwards. So I understand if you'll avoid me after reading this. I just want you to know that I expect nothing from you so don't be pressured. Heaven knows how much I wanted to be straight, only If you knew how much time I spent on praying just to surrender what I felt about you, cause I know that liking you would burn me to hell. I'm not yet dead but I accepted my fate. That wanting you was the pathway that would lead me straight to hell, the key that unlocks the gateway of burning paradise, an invitation that welcomes me. How can the devil use you to deceive me from my faith? How can the devil use you to confuse me from my belief? How can the devil use you to rebel against my God? How can I resist the devil when it's you he's been using? How can I be guilty of sin? When the sin I'm committing is as beautiful as you? I think about it so many times, the words I'm going to say when I handed you this letter, the possibilities that might happen, the consequences of my actions, the foes I'm going to fight, the rivals lurking around, but i forgot one, I forgot someone whom I can't defeat no matter how hard I tried. The moment I laid my eyes on you, the moment I found you cool, the moment I had a crush on you, and the moments I know I'm falling for you, HE's been there all along in between, fighting for my soul instead of fighting me for making sin. I'm sorry Reida, I'm not strong and I will never be strong enough to defeat HIM. God knows how much I wanted you despite hiding it from HIM. HE knows how much I wanted you that HE leaves me no choice but to give you up, to give my feelings up to HIM.

📅 Special Date

September 3, 2024

🎵 Your Song